How do we deal with our critical nature? I often find myself wrangling with this very question when shooting and editing my photos. Granted, I often find myself feeling self-conscious about the photographs that I create, not because I insert myself into the photographs, but because I feel as if I don't (a) live up to my own expectations and (b) because I don't feel as if I am on par, conceptually, with other students. Then, what concepts I do have, I stumble around like bumbling idiot trying to explain how they came to be. I suppose you could liken it to chasing after clouds. To me, it all seems a little absurd. Every time I feel like I've found some sort of higher meaning, I find out that it's just the tip of the iceberg and the real reason is far out of reach. In all honesty, there are entire series that, subconsciously, I know the meaning to, but in my waking life, I haven't the faintest idea. Again, I feel like a bumbling idiot.
So, how do we remedy this? I often find that, in conversation, I am much more effective at deciphering the reasoning behind my photographs. I have pondered the idea of recording myself talk about my work in order to try and find out if I can conjure the proverbial deeper meaning. I think that I may start doing that after each day of shooting in order to help myself understand my own photographs. Ridiculous? Perhaps. Helpful? Hopefully. After all, crazier things have happened.
Currently in heavy rotation:
Moby f/ Sinead O'Connor - Harbour
VAST - Desert Garden Deftones - Be Quiet and Drive [Acoustic]
I feel like it's been forever since I last updated, though I know only a week has passed. A lot has happened, little worth mentioning on a "non-personal" blog, however. I have kept the proverbial creative juices flowing through various media, when has made me especially exhausted, and especially tardy in making my otherwise regular entries. I'm sure you will all find a way to forgive me. Fear not, the obsessive blogging will continue from this day forth.
Now, I promised Becky I would put pictures up quite a while ago, but didn't, because I am a jerkface. Better late than never, though, right? Right. So here goes nothin'.
The first series is a documentation of Hopkins' commercial districts. The second series is a documentation of public telephones.
One article on NOLA.com caught my eye today and put me into a contemplative mood. So, the Army Corps of Engineers is assessing whether the levees will hold in the event of a hurricane. If the levees aren't up to snuff, what happens? Will they be rebuild? If so, who pays for it? Personally, I'd much rather everybody lay their cards out on the table and say that they really don't have a commitment to New Orleans instead of acting like they're still fully committed. I often wonder how stupid they think we are. I suppose they want us to leave them the hell alone so they can continue mashing newsprint into the gaps of the levees.
Meanwhile, there isn't an honest civic official in New Orleans, it seems, that could request that everybody get their proverbial shit together. Or perhaps, to provide oversight in some fashion instead of letting everybody run amok. Currently, New Orleans is run like the wild west, so even if city hall and the governor's mansion are fully stocked, they may as well be ceremonial positions (a la the Queen of England) until somebody decides to do something productive instead of standing on the sidelines, whispering, "Golly gee whiz, guys, I think those people want us to do something," to each other. Cue the chorus of laughs.
Now, if you'll allow me, I need to continue grieving over the latest Twins loss at the hands of the Yankees.
Currently in heavy rotation:
Jurassic 5 - Concrete Schoolyard
Does it Offend You, Yeah? - Attack of the 60 Foot Lesbian Octopus Beastie Boys - Sabotage
Do not underestimate the usefulness of the white pages. They were just recently my saving grace. After giving up on nagging the New York Times reporter, I was thinking to myself, "Well, where else could I find out where these people live?" I figured the phone book would have it, but I was so used to being disappointed, because it seemed like whenever I looked up people in Minneapolis, there seemed to be tons of results displaying the same name at different addresses throughout the metro area. The lesson here: there are a lot of Scandinavians in Minnesota and they all have the same last name. Apparently, in New Orleans, however, nobody has the same surname, because when I looked up the individuals from the article, there was always only one result. Not too difficult to narrow it down from there. Every single time, however, the phone book had the address, but never the phone number. You know what that means? It's letter-writing time. So, tomorrow, I will be purchasing some stamps, writing some letters, and mailing them out in hopes of getting some sort of response. So, let's review: Online phone books: good. Odd spellings of names: very good. Not having phone numbers available: lame.
In response to American Experience: New Orleans, Cemetery Caretaker
The cemeteries in New Orleans are filled with truly beautiful monuments that celebrate life. Though they are filled with concrete mausoleums, residents of New Orleans treat them as communal gathering places to have picnics. This is because New Orleanian's have a different relationship with death from Americans in other parts of the country. I, personally, believe that residents of New Orleans have the right idea about honoring the lives of their relatives and loved ones. Instead of dwelling on the loss, they celebrate the happiness they gained from their lives. This is why cemeteries are places of happiness for the people of New Orleans.
I suppose maintaining cemeteries is similar to maintaining public parks. Just as there are workers to maintain the parks, there is an equivalent worker to maintain the cemeteries. Also, because the cemeteries bring so much joy to their patrons, they want them to be maintained.
Currently in heavy rotation:
Bad Religion - We're Only Gonna Die
The Slip - Suffocation Keep Massive Attack - Black Milk
My former bandmate and I were interviewed today for the first time since we broke up a year ago. It was strange to talk about, because when people make music together, or really any form of art, it's something special. If you take those songs that were created and you play them with a different group of people, it's like you're cheating on your wife or something. My bandmate had told the interviewer that hadn't picked up a guitar in over a year, which he had never told me about before. He said he was looking for the right singer. The whole interview sounded very strange, because it's almost as if we were trying to air out our dirty laundry right then and there. Like we had unresolved issues we needed to work out right that very moment.
This was probably the third time we had talked to each other since we stopped making music together. Each time it's like talking to an ex-girlfriend you still have feelings for. You try and skirt around the issue at hand without really telling them how you feel. During the entire interview, I wanted to just scream, "You were a drug addict!" It's all a little bit absurd. Maybe a lot bit absurd. The point is, when you make art with somebody and that partnership ends, what do you do? Do you reminisce? Is it okay to showcase that work and give acknowledgement to the absent party? Do you shine it on and make one final work of art together and then call it quits, just to have a little bit of closure?
The whole thing reminded me of one of the most heart-breaking documentaries, titled The Refused are Fucking Dead, which chronicled the demise of the band TheRefused during their North American tour, which ended in the band breaking up. Throughout the film, the band talks about what caused the band's demise. When they talk about it, they speak as if they knew it was coming. As if The Refused were destined to break up. In between interviews, there was archival footage from the tour, which offered a glimpse of how hopeless the band had become. At the end, after the band had decided to break up, they played one last show in the basement of another band's house. They wanted this to be their final show before they decided to never play again. During the middle of the show, the police came and broke up the show.
Is anything ever entirely resolved after dissolution of a partnership in art?
Currently in heavy rotation:
Sufjan Stevens - John Wayne Gacy, Jr.
Pearl Jam - Untitled [Live] The Faint - Fish in a Womb
Tomorrow, I will be consulting for a group of folks I've known for a while now. I know them through the non-profit I currently work for and through various poetry slams over the years. I'll be helping them write their business plan and build their website, which I'm pretty jazzed about. The two women I'll be working started out as experience slam poets and musicians, but became disaffected by the exclusive nature of both musicianship and poetry. As a result, they hold impromptu open mics in public areas around Minneapolis, allowing anybody off the street to participate.
I'm not going to name-drop just yet. I can tell you that the first event that they held was a pretty incredible experience and I'd love to see these two young women become successful in doing this. Inevitably, I'll blog about the results of our creative outing later on. Perhaps tomorrow? Perhaps. There may even be a small series hidden in here somewhere. Who can say?
Currently in heavy rotation:
Coldplay - Amsterdam
Bright Eyes - Southern State Nine Inch Nails - Leaving Hope
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